What's the point?

What's the point in being there with a bandaid when you get a scrape? To only have you yell at me?

What's the point of my pulling you out of the water in which you are dieing to only have you spit it at me?

What's the point in healing you when you no longer want anything to do with me?

What's the point in asking, just so that you can turn me away?

What's the point...?

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I don't understand anymore. Not like I think I ever did. People screaming out for help, litterally, and then they are angry with me for responding. Sure, some of them aren't exactly asking for me, but it's a general plee for help. I answer, and I get yelled at, or dropped like a sack of potatoes, or the cold shoulder/silent treatment.

While I was gone a gal I haven't known for that long, but have spoken with plenty sent me a message about how she had mutilated her self in anger and what not. Now she doesn't even find it in her to talk with me about that or anything else.

My mom just was in the other room and screamed aloud for God knows why and she just said "I'm tired, leave me alone."

Fuck this shit. I'm tired of being the defender of an ungrateful world. Never a thank you, no gains, just losses. That in and of itself isn't the horrible part. It's when the people that I've defended as long as I've known them, picked them up when they're down and otherwise physically or mentally aided in their healing become my enemies. That's what it comes down to. I'm abandoned by those that I end up helping. Betrayed. Stabbed, shot and beaten. So what's the point?

Right now I'm more inclined to be the antichrist.

You want me to help you? Maybe I should ignore you instead. Maybe I should just add to the problem or maybe I should run from people like you, always needy, always ingrateful and never improving. Then what? When even I am found running from people, what's left? Who's there to help you then? You have others like you. That's rich.

You have other backstabbing, bitchy, hopeless wastes there waiting on you. The blind telling you what the landscapes look like. The deaf telling you of the beauty of the angellic chorus. And the quadrapalegic telling you how to run a decathalon.

That's what this world is built on. We fear and loathe those that are better than us. We fear and loathe those that seek to help us.

And now I drive YOU off.

I'm not allowed to have these thoughts. It's not meant to be, but I have them.

I'm supposed to be some kind of shining example. Some diamond in the rough. Whatever. My friends never have to really worry about me doing anything crazy, neither does my family. And then I get like this and the whole world stops because everyone thinks I'm going to crack.

Not going to happen. But you're getting the exact response that you gave me.

I spent several hours last night arguing with someone about this.

It's a waste.

If you don't want help, stop fucking asking. What happened to our self control? You scream fire in a crowd, what the fuck do you think is going to happen? Do you bitch at the firefighters for coming when you pull the fire alarm? Do you yell at the people for running to your aide when you scream "Help!"?

Then why me?

Why am I yelled at, screamed at, berated for trying to help you when you scream out for it?

I try to fulfill that same purpose, but I'm yelled at for it. Maybe I need a uniform. Is that it? Like the rest of the vain world I need something tangable to SHOW you that I can do what I'm doing? Fake or not?

It's idiocy.