I've become so numb.

So I haven't posted.

You've noticed.

Hurray for our side.

What's been happening?

Nothing.

Not a damned thing.

We went to the Olympics, kicked ass, took names and trophies, I met Glenn, and I don't get onto IMs anymore because there's no point.

I am completely burned out and very apathetic and it couldn't have come at a worse time.

I'm letting my momentum carry me through life right now.

Our little trip put me in a financial headlock that will keep me where I am for now if not longer, pending work paying for education.

Like that is going to happen.

I'm thinking that with the lack of an HR person, they can shove it and I'll just contact our new manager.

Asked a TL, they don't know, asked a sup, was directed to training and never got a response.

I'm tired of feeling jerked around at work.

Management has made me very reluctant to put in me 350% effort lately.

So they are going to get what I give them for now.



Except for Mike. Mike's still cool.



Just with them pre-moting someone with something like 6 months less experience than I have, whom I helped train, whilst not even interviewing me.

That's my big beef. She's good, but I know of people that I would have picked before even myself who were glossed over.

I wasn't even interviewed and I applied twice.

So what the hell is going on?

You want me to be apathetic to your cause and demands? You've got it.

I need to keep the job, but I don't need to be putting out effort that isn't going to be recognized and then is completely ignored.

The really nice part is that the effort I put in is off the radar.

Required of us by proxy, and there is no evidence for it.

Maybe I should start keeping chat logs of it.

Of the fact that I've had to remote into 2 PCs all day.

Of the fact that I have, at any given time, 4-6 password reset IMs bitching at me for not being done with theirs yet.

Yeah.

This is why I don't post anymore, that and my IM friends have hit that point where it's about time to let them die and get new ones.

Let the memories fade.

But it's not all bad, I just make it a point to express my happiness and everything publicly.

I still maintain that this is a private blog, and while you were invited, you have to pretend to know nothing.


Along those lines:

I can't be your hero, I've decided.

You've already seen too much of me.

It really was over before it started and our relationship was always on borrowed time like so many I have gained here.

In your eyes, I'm not even human anymore.

Having fallen from grace, I'm just a guy now.

A "guy".

I suppose the personality conflict was always there, but I was selfish and greedy like always.

I can do that to other people, but not with this sort of thing.

I have to be the hero.

If I'm not, then I'm like everyone else.

It's not that I have to be 'better' than everyone else.

I just need my own niche.

Without it, I am nothing. I am a shadow, and I will fail without my own identity.

It's rough indeed, and it drives me insane, but that all passes.

It's just that you've locked into the negative aspects forever I fear.

I've never been able to change a single misconception like that or else the world would be a better place.

So now I'm back where I was two month ago.

Hurray for our side.






In additional notes, the Lich game is fun, and my SWs game will be started soon.

Huzzah, a silver lining.