Lost.

How to beat enemies that will never be vanquished?

You fight and fight and fight...

Your sword, blood of thousands, rusts with age.

Your endurance, never tested, wearies after eons of combat.

I've got nothin'...

I've had to say that a lot. It's fork in the road time. I say fork because it involves the splitting of a path. Or more correctly the reversal of one. But this time I don't think I'm going to take the complete reversal. Many things need to be accomplished. Once again I'm looking for my reset button. Never existing, it'd be hella nice. I don't need an easy button, just one that lets me start over with all that I know now. Yeah, that's cheating, but that's what I'd like.

I'm emotionally drained now, so bear with me if I'm a weaping idiot or something else. I've had a rough week for some reason. I once said that I'd rather have my ups and downs than to ever be content. I'm not so sure anymore. If you ever need me to prove my hypocracy, just ask me when it's summer what I want. And when it's winter. When it's sunny. When it rains. I guess that's not all that fair to my self. I don't mind the rain...

I've skipped classes this week. Don't be agast at me, I don't get anything out of it anyways. I haven't read the book the entire year and got an 84% on the test. Yeah, it could improve, but I really couldn't focus if I tried. At least not on that part... Mind you that's 84% on things that I learned two years ago as a Jr. in high school while I was barely paying attention then...

Anyways...

I'm needing to reset. I hear the woods calling me, but not like it was six months ago. No, this time I am being called back to my roots (no wise cracks) and that's where I feel I need to go. Yeah, I've got this freaky thing going with that (no wise cracks, I mean it).

I haven't been my self lately, I suppose. I don't know really when it started, but it'd be nice not to have to worry about that... Sure, people change, that's life. But the changes I have gone through aren't for the better. They're amplifications of the negative. And I think that's the change that needs to be made. If you ever decide to take up Justinology (now that my secret be spreadeth over this internet), one of the first things that you will notice would be the cycles. The most prominent being the light and the dark. There are eddies in this cycle, but there are larger sections of each if you pay close enough attention. I am a shadow as of late, but I need to come back out into the light. I've done that physically, until very recently I've done it mentally, now I need to do it emotionally. Right now I feel overwhelmed, but that may be because I am completely exhausted. And an idiot for staying up...

I'm not really lost, I just need to step back and seperate myself from what's been going on lately. It's worked in the past plenty of times, that's my safety mechanism. Maybe... But there's been a lot of shit going on and it looks like a daunting task. Usually I have some sort of support. I don't need my hand held, I just need some place to relax. That's all I've ever needed. I have no relaxation. Sunday, please let it come Sunday...

I'm going to sleep now.

And yeah, I like my alone time, but I shouldn't have to be like that all of the time. I realized that my ultimate would be that there be a pool of people that I just call up when I want to do something... Maybe there is... I just don't really have that sort of time anymore... At least not predictably...

Right... Sleep...