It goes up and down and around...

"Harness the good energy, block the bad. It's like a merry-go-round. It goes up and down and around."

Today was a rather good day in contrast to all of the news of yesterday. I'm mostly angry at events and circumstances, not at people. I've probably already done the damage. I don't need anyone else to be lost like that, lost from this, but I've long considered the possibility that I need to just erase everything. Good, bad, and the ugly. Gone forever. I haven't made that choice yet. I'm still struggling with the ramifications of my choices and the after shocks of theirs.

You always hear the most negative thoughts when you read this. It's hardly ever what I act off of. Like I posted in response to ForgottenPain. If you assume anything before talking to me, that's on you. I don't hold any remorse for the conclusions you may jump to.

Anyways, I met the girlfriend of one of my friends today. It was neat. Always meeting new people. At least meeting people that you can get to care about. But I guess that's my trap, my self-imposed battles... But the three of us are likely to be hanging out on Sunday. Her request. The whole thing was rather odd, and fast. Maybe I was a bit distracted and excited...

So today I made more steps towards moving on and coming out of this perpetual darkness. I asked someone out, well sort of. I just invited her to come hang out on Sunday, with friends, etc. She declined on the behalf of that one thing... It escapes me now... The Mormon thing that happens twice a year... Anyways, I know what I'm talking about and so does everyone else. It is on every channel when it happens... Anyways... It was a little more painless than I figured, as is always the case, and it wasn't an outright no. It was a prior engagements type of thing. So that's a plus.

I guess at this rate the Shadow will go back in his closet for an untold period of time. I've already been making steps and listening to advice from my past. I sound like I'm a recovering addict or trama victim. I guess it's a bit of both...

I'm sorry if I've ended friendships with anyone over my comments yesterday. But it is something I will have to define. For now it's been awkward being the friend of a friend of someone that probably wishes you didn't exist as much as you wish that you've never had to deal with all of their crap.

I still have half a mind to post the exact and long winded reason of why this is so much pain. But I'm trying to swallow all of that, and it's proving to bring a bit of indigestion. It's not so much any one thing, it's the mostly innumerable things. Mainly up on the list is the complete disregard of hope and logic. And close next to that is the year and a half of listening to people who were right, defend them against such attacks, and then have the memories of all of those statements from any and all observers be right. Hmm... Deal with that.