T-minus really soon, and counting...

Well at this rate, I will explode about time for next summer. Take that as you want it, but the cycles are incredibly close together now, as never before, and that's not a good thing...

I just got an e-mail from a friend on the East Coast and the news wasn't good at all. It's not bad between us, but she's going through some very bad mojo. And I was on the phone with a friend with unpleasant consequences... I thought that she had subdued that beast... I'm back, all at once, to the wonders of my past life. I'm not really complaining as such as musing, whatever you would call a dark, brooding, musing... I'm lost...

Four months ago, I was here. Can you believe that? Almost exactly. On the eve of too many spectacular things. Too many things happening at once. FOUR MONTHS AGO! The cycles have always been somewhat predictable. Two-and-a-half years or so... Not FOUR MONTHS. I'm sucked into the same feelings. And just as helpless. There's a lot of things that aren't right, don't and aren't fitting... It's a very poorly concocted story with the same plot. And the feelings are stronger than ever: deja vu, someone's watching, etc. I'm stuck completely in memory and dream.

I haven't said anything, but when I go into the sun light, it's more surreal than it used to be. I feel a limited warmth, but it's not as it should be. And my vision is clouded as though I'm in a dream, sleepy, waiting to wake up. It's mostly like that when I'm out doors...

I don't understand what I'm supposed to do anymore. Obviously I haven't been beaten enough as my demons are coming round for a second fight. Obviously they, or I've, missed something to the point that it needs be repeated. And yet I'm not going to be preparing for four months. I'm most likely going to be in Georgia. I'm putting together the puzzle pieces this week to make it happen. I'm setting up the checkmate, raising the blade on the guillotine. No one has given me anything to stay for, really. There hasn't been any reactions except for: "What about school." I suppose that was the only thing that need be worried about... "Give me one reason to stay here, and I'll turn right back around." Always liked song for some reason.

Things aren't right. Maybe I'm just tired, etc. Hopefully I'll be cured soon, I thought I was. This is going to be a lifelong fight, I suppose...

But today hasn't been all lost and bewonderment. Just the last hour, really, stacked with the last months... I just don't wish to break the thoughts here. They need be faced down and dealt with. Not a trouble, just a chore. I'll post the main events of today later...