Going through it again, for the first time.

No, I wasn't neuralized, but it was a thought that I will explain a bit later.

Sorry Forgotten, it's one of those weeks, time for another message:

Why is it that we can't show our weaknesses?

This has gone on long enough, hasn't it?

It's really quite quaint that you try to play these games with me, but you shant survive the contest. I'm in too deep, know too much. After all, I taught you everything that you know, but not everything that I know.

It's so infantile, isn't it?

I'd love to say that you started it, I'd love to believe it, but I know that I allowed it, that makes me guilty enough.

"For evil to triumph good men need simply to do nothing."

I am dumb.

I wish to reconcile hates and wars of ol'.

I wish to hug my enemy.

I dream of peace in wartime.

"And now Lonestar, we know why Evil will always triumph over Good: Because Good is dumb."

And I would hug you in a heartbeat if I didn't fear the knife.

I would take you in an instant if you would stop this foolishness.

I'm an idiot for it.

We shall continue on our paths: Never a chink in the armor for fear of the knife.

You don't hate me anymore then I hate you, but we fight as hard as any rivals...

===============================================================================

Target locked, missile away... Target destroyed.

===============================================================================

So the headline. Been through this before, but always for the first time.

I'm getting more confused, and it's because time isn't as linear as everyone thinks it is. This has already happened. You've made the choices, you just need to understand them.

At work I can never shake the feeling. I know these people. Duh. No, it's not a "hey I've only worked with you for the last three weeks, I better know someone!", it's an actual pre-existing knowledge. I KNOW THESE PEOPLE.

Know anything specific? Not so much. But when it happens, it's not new information, it's memory. I've already been here and done this. I experience things that I've never experienced, but I do it through memories that I've never made. Psychic? Hardly. I don't really believe in it, at least not at the moment. But I can't shake the feeling that I know a lot of these people and that's relatively impossible.

I'd love to say that it's over active imagination, you have no idea how much I would love to say that, but that's not it. Too many coincedences, even if I believed in them. Just too many.

Each action is pre-determined, either someone set it out for me, or I'm just following the path that I've followed for all of time. I've always pretty much felt that I was on the path, regardless of comments to the contrary, and there's only one place that I feel I strayed whence I wasn't to. And the only thing that got me back was someone else did the same thing, but going the wrong way...

I know these things because I have memories of things I've never done, no inputs other than the individuals' face. People must look at me and think that I'm so quiet and uninteresting, that I have no life. How quaint and humurous. I have lived more lives than anyone, it seems. Something is coming that has always been coming. I sit and observe because I am missing something and waiting to pounce on it, is that the reason that I am missing it? Catch 22...

============================================================================

Last night I went and saw "The Sound of Thunder". A time travel movie. If you've ever heard me criticize a science fiction movie with poor science (*cough* SpiderMan2*cough*) then you know that I didn't like the science. It was pretty good as a concept though, but I almost vowed to never watch a movie in a theater again. The people seem to disgust me more and more when I watch these world ending events on the screen. Laughing when someone gets eaten? There was once where I laughed with them and that was because the lady's attempt to ressussitate someone was so pitiful...

But I suggest you see it, if for no other reason than to make up your own mind about it. It poses some interesting thoughts, but these are things that I have glanced at before. It was a good story, but like all stories it was a bit "convenient" at times...

==============================================================================

Sorry for the serialized post, but I am trying to keep my jumbled thoughts as organized as possible for you. I got up and almost refused to go to work today because I am not doing what I feel I need to be doing. People displaced by Katrina, gas prices as high as $4 a gallon and 1,000 people dead in a stampede, of people, in Iraq and I'm going to make close to a hundred bucks by talking on the phone and sitting at a desk, half awake? What the hell? Some hero, eh? And so I went to work. What really am I supposed to do? Buy a ticket out to one of the trouble spots of the world, a nobody, A_Shadow, and offer my "assistance" and reign in the distruction of the world?

The world could be coming to an end with as stupid as these people are acting, and I'm going to work...

Yep.

Eventually I will realize that the world will rise and fall without my help, but I can't help it. I'm not so sure that if I had been at these places that I COULDN'T have changed the events.

I mean, come on. A THOUSAND PEOPLE died in a stampede because someone suggested there might be a suicide bomber in the crowd. That just reeks of brilliance when you weigh the number of dead vs. the number of dead if they had stayed put and there HAD BEEN a bomber. A thousand people dead because they panicked. That was the suicide bomb. And they were it.

Gas prices at $4 a gallon in some places. For why? Because 25% of our oil production was cut off. Do you know how much oil we get from ourselves??!! And we have strategic reserves. We have so much that could have offset that little bit. And now I'm watching a half-assed "documentary" come true because they guessed how stupid Americans are. Because we let our economy be slain by our idiot fears...

And not to mention the fact that people being evacuated from the football stadium in New Orleans were trapped for HOURS because some fuck-wit decided it would be a smart thing to shoot at one of the evacuation helicoptors. WHAT THE FUCK? That doesn't even begin to get at the surface of my reaction. That person should be skinned alive and put on someone's mantle. Shooting at an EVACUATION HELICOPTER IN AMERICA?? In the homeland. Evacuating people, necessarily, from a leaky stadium. What the hell kind of genius is that...? And I just watched a movie on evolution... He should be exterminated from the gene pool, back as far as 9 generations in each direction.

==============================================================================

That one killed the mood I think.

I'm done anyways. A week end is here and I get to sleep now. A week's worth of sleep is calling me screaming to be made up.