I have an idea.

I think there's a misunderstanding here.

You and I aren't seeing eye to eye.

And that shouldn't be surprising with someone who hides all the time, refusing to be seen, and someone who - despite wanting to see so badly, I see is horribly blinded.

I don't know if you understood how truly badly those words hurt me.

I don't know if you are aware of how hard it was to say them.

Do you think I said them because they were easy, or because I just wanted to be done with it?

It's a hard thing. There's a reason why my mood has been assassinated by these thoughts.

I want for nothing more than our friendship to flourish and bloom.

I want for nothing more than to stand with you on a mountain looking back at a valley that we left on our own will power, achieving new heights.

But if you don't see that what you are doing is hurting me, then I don't know what else to say to you.

I don't want anything bad to come of this, but there comes a point where even I must break off.

Every suttle nuance is a wave of agony.

What makes you think that I would want to hear of your time with the one that I loved with all of my heart?

What makes you think that I would want to hear of how happy you are together, or how happy you are to love her? How happy you are to throw out everything just to be with her?

And to what end?

There is nothing down that road. Do you think I say this because I am petty, jealous or bitter?

If so, you are foolish and unwise beyond anything I could conjure in my imagination.

I tell you that there is nothing down that road because I have taken it through it's course.

I have travelled that road to the end and back again, and I am loathed to find that I will watch someone head down that path when I haven't escaped it yet myself!

If you don't understand, then you are blind to never see.

To never see the love I harbor for you, and the hope.

To never see that I would die to see you set on the right path, if I knew that is all that it would take.

But why should I listen?

All this is hollow, all is lost in these words.

Safe behind the veil of your shadows, you'll never see my tears that I've shed for you, because of you.

I am holding onto something that was never there, something that I have obviously conjured out of nothingness itself:

HOPE

I harbor a hope that shouldn't be. A hope without reason. And a hope without gain. You have never given me anything.

Not for hope, not for fear.

And yet here I am. Waiting for something that I should have never. Hoping for something I should have never.

No wonder I am so hopelessly frustrated.

I could never give anything any more. I don't see how.

It's just a trick of finding that the effort not be in vain, just once.

I am sorry if any of this strikes you as ill, but I need it be said.

I find her very lifestyle to be atrocious. There is not but lies and clouded intentions there. And to find you have happiness to be so decieved makes me ill.

Why would I want to hear your stories of joy as I watch you be led to your death?

Why should the fact that it's happened before, make me eager to watch its repetition?

Why?

Where on God's good Earth does that make sense?

What kind of friend would I be then? To just let you wander down a path that I knew would only end in doom?

Some great 'defender of men' indeed if I can't even keep my friends from danger...

But I don't expect you to listen.

I could shackle you and beat you with the truth, but you wouldn't listen unless you wanted to hear it.

What does it matter that I feel it in EVERY BONE OF MY BODY? You will only listen to it if your heart will.

And all the screaming of mine, all the weeping in the world, wouldn't change your mind.

Only your heart can do that.