There you are.

I'm going to shut up now.

The irony is a post of words that mean and say nothing.

You'll read this and note that irony when you're through.

You'll do this because I need to post, litterally, what I have been. And that is nothing.

There is nothing here, this is not the Shadow you're looking for. He's not around.

You don't even know the shadow that you're seeing then, nor now.

How could you know what you were looking for?

It's cool, it's dandy. I've gotten used to the double-speak and double-standards. It's what makes the world go 'round. "It's America's past time!"

So that's cool, I'll sit here and keep to myself now.

When I speak up, I get myself into trouble. When I step up, I end up fumbling. I'm not sure it's worth it just now.

I'm gambling big on small payoffs, and I think that's what's getting to me. Put in waaay more then is even potential to get out, even if I scored the jackpot.

That's why I am like this, I think.

I got into a lot of these personal projects thinking that I was going to make something of it. I was going to get something out of it. I don't mean to make it sound greedy, I'm not looking for something in particular such as love or money, but I would like to see a victory, however small.

Thus far, I've started a great deal lower on the victory scale than I started.

Some stalemates are now losses and for all I know will end up total losses.

It's rather irritating.

You want to know why I am like I am now? Because all I have fuled my future on for four years is "It'll get better some day."

Warriors need a boost in morale. Warriors need victories, however minor.

I can only assume that my victories, when they happen, will be glorious. If they happen.

Those of you that know my 'warpath' need not surrender, need not ease up. You need fight harder. I will not gain anything in a cheap victory and I will hardly be as blind as to accept something so plainly given.

When you worry about me and my wellbeing, we both lose.

Just say no.

Something that I might learn some day, probably a curse of this good ol' bleeding heart, right?

Ironic. That's what got me into much of this mess years ago. It's what keeps me holding out now.

It's me being sarcastic and cynical, lighten up.

My dark side has a sick humor to it, too, you know.

This is not the post you are looking for, pay no attention to that man behind the veil.

For those of you that offer your loyalty, however silently, veiled or whispered, I thank you. And while you might not realize this goes out to you, cherish it and realize that you are much to do about why I am still fighting this to the end. Why it will be them or me.

It will be them, have no fear in that. I'm just a bit too stubborn to completely give up.

Y'know...? This post said a lot more nothing than I had intended.

Remember your Taoism.

I cherish you, though I don't say it/express it enough.

I hope you won't be angry with me forever.