Quite right.

I don't understand it anymore then you do, but that's the point, right?

You don't understand you because it's easier that way. You don't have to pretend that you want or need anything, you don't have to pretend that you care, you don't actually have to do anything but live.

And that last one is only because it's the socially acceptable thing to do.

You don't even get you, and why? Because you don't care.

You don't stop to analyze what it really is that you're doing with your life or to yourself. If you did, you'd have some sort of self-implosion that would necessitate a lot of work.

And we can't have work, can we? That wouldn't leave any time for cookies or dancing, would it? We can't have that.

You grudgingly leapt from a fire not really wanting to, but knowing it was the "right" thing to do.

And where did you land? The oven. You pretty much landed on the ground, said "WTF is all this nonesense?" and walked right into the oven, pre-set to bake, and closed the door down on yourself again.

And where does that leave us, now?

You do it because you say it's fun. Well call me cynical, but what you and I think is fun is two different things.

I'm all about freedom of choice, the sense that you can choose for yourself, Hell, at this point of the game, if I didn't give you that much I wouldn't be operating under my belief system that even you get a choice in the matter.

Maybe that's a mistake.

All I can do with you is shake my head in bewilderment.

There is no reason there.

There is no why for you.

You just are.

And you just are walking into an operating oven and if that weren't enough, you're baning your head on the wall over and over and over again.

I'm all about letting you do that.

I can tell you it ain't the brightest thing in the world. Hell, it's even been shown to you, but the problem is that the heat and slamning your head repeatedly against the wall is kinda loosening a few wires.

I don't think you like who you really are, and that's why you do it. That or you don't have the will to be who you want to/hope to be, and that's why you do it.

Regardless, I can't help you. Never could. Only you can do that. And as you're a little reluctant to do so, I don't find a great deal of pleasure in watching a being torture itself.

It's kinda disgusting.

Walking away only helps me. But if you've locked to oven and insist that's where you're supposed to be, then fine. I can't open it, only you can.

I'm supposed to have patience. I'm supposed to be wise. I'm supposed to be a lot of things, but one thing I'm not, is capable of watching people that I love be complete idiots.

I'm not allowed to say anything about it? In all honesty, Fuck You. I'll say what I want, when I want.

It just so happens that I find the only person that you associate with that's worth a damn is the only one that you're not allowed to associate with.

Isn't there some parable about locking yourself in with the wolves?

If not, there is now, and you're the poster child.

You're so affraid of me, for whatever reason, that you'd rather be locked up with the demons that you're trying to protect yourself from.

Wake up and smell the doublespeak there big brother.

You're running around preaching something that you're not even worthy to be in the same room of.

I'm not either. But again I don't go running out to other people's houses trying to teach them how much I believe it and whatnot either.

I don't see how you can do it.

You're so wound up on doing what's socially demanded in this state.

Yeah, I love yah, yeah I'd love to see everything turn out ok and I'd love to be the one that does it. But I'm not and never will be that person.

I'm the guy that sets the stage for someone else.

Why do you think I call myself A_Shadow and love the rangers of LOTR? Because that's me.

Gondor fights in the South and gets the fame and the glory, but the real battles, the real heros are found in the North. They're the ones that never get the girl, never get the credit, and get just as much of the bleeding and the dying as anyone else. They're the guys that fight for the guys in the south without anyone in the world knowing it.

All I do is set the stage for someone else to take the glory. In my own little way, I share in that, don't I? Not really. As much as I know who did what, where, when and why, that doesn't really seem all that great to me anymore.

Why should I set the stage to watch you piss on my work? Why should I set the stage to watch someone, the wrong someone as far as I'm concerned, take the credit and the glory?

Because it's right. It's all there is. Just because you are also wrong, doesn't mean that I am right.

I'm just tired of it is all.

It's difficult. I've lost the allies that I so desperately need(ed).

This is why I need to stop wussing out. I need to steel myself again.

There's a reason why soldiers don't dance. Aside from the commonly occuring debilitating wounds.

I'm just a little frustrated with you.

But don't worry, just keep smiling and pounding your pretty little face into that wall.

It makes an interesting picture when the blood comes pouring down your face because you don't know what's good and when to stop.