I nearly soiled my armor for that!
So much to say, so much is going to slip through the cracks.
Not a good week in the two days of it that we've had so far. I'm so freakin' exhausted. Ass handed to me at work to come home and cause more problems for myself. I just can't leave well enough alone. The damned thing should have been dealt with a year ago, but NO, everyone had to speak up and tackle me. Well unfortunately it's been way too long in coming and there are only two acceptable resolutions with a third that will just lead to more later.
Don't ask me why I can't do it. I know I shouldn't, but every bone, muscle, or other form of once living matter (including and definately the grey matter) screams for it. Don't ask why, but I feel it's what I need to do. I'm sorry for it, but I have enough support that I must at least attempt it.
So here's the thing. Let's get some more of these cards face up, no more beating around the bushes. The specific target of this isn't at hand, but I feel that when one person has a misconception it needs to be addressed with the group.
What the hell makes it so hard for you people to accept yourselves? To accept "your power"?
What makes it so hard to make your own decisions and bear them down despite who thinks what about you? I have seen waaay too many people bullied about this over the years. No, I don't think a lecture will help you, believe me I've tried. But what is the loss in making your own decisions? So far I've gotten to "Someone will be mad at me." No offence Vermillion, but did I at least get through that it's a silly reason to shape and wither to someone else's will?
My family and I have not agreed on plenty of things. I have put my foot down on a side opposite on my Father's on more than one occasion. Did we fight? You're damned right. But it always turns out the same. We find a middle ground and get the hell over it.
So what's your thing? You think they might kill you for having an alternate opinion or outlook? I'm serious. What's the worst thing that would happen if you just "rebelled". I put that in quotes because there's not a super better word for it, and that's how the control freak (whomever it is whether it's your parents, friends or otherwise) is going to see it. Whomever you make a decision contrary to their wants, is going to see it as rebellion. It's not like we're in a communist nation. What's the worse thing that will happen?
I've seen people get torn down before. I sure as hell have had it done to myself, but why is it that making your own decisions is a bad thing? Because you threaten whatever control they think they have over you.
Again, the furthest thing from what I am promoting is open rebellion. But I am advocating accepting your own decisions WHETHER OR NOT EVERYONE AGREES WITH YOU. It's bound to happen that someone won't agree with you. I know that you'd rather them support you, than not, everyone would. But they aren't going to be making your decisions forever, at least not in a proper world, so when and where does it end? I suppose that's for you to decide. If you're an adult, I definately advocate that you do it SOONER than LATER.
But let the Heathen speak. I'm sorry that if my "contrary" ways of thinking shock you, but it strikes me a little odd that I can shock and sway a liberal. Wierd how my ideas can be so shocking in a liberal family when I'm a conservative... Extremely wierd.
Which brings me out to my next point that is the most misconstrued and misunderstood point of any.
I don't hate Mormon doctrine. We'll put it there for now. But I seem to be one of the few that actually know something about it and can still point out how little it makes sense. I'm far from an authority on it, but I have enough of the right questions to get through an argument.
I promote free thinking. I don't much care what you decide, but if I think you are wrong, I'm going to say so. It's odd to me that a church touting "Free Agency" as one of God's greatest gifts to man (or at least most important) would spend so much time trying to rescind that. Give me a break, they do it at every turn. Not as part of the hierarchy, but they "discourage" anything that they wish to control, pass ordinances and so forth. Obviously we don't want to be sinners, so we obey. Heaven forbid someone ask a question like "Why does God care if I drink coffee?"
Y'know the answer to that, the one that they gave me? One of our prophets said that he had revelation on it so we don't ask. For so much "Free Agency" there's a lot of that, don't ask don't tell. Some of you don't care to ask, so why should those of us that prefer to be shunned?
The doctrine is pretty sound until you start adding the prophets into the mix. It's much the same thing as with the rest of Christianity. Somewhere someone decided that a prophet speaks God's word and thus is immediately perfect. But no one seems to be paying super close attention to the times when they order something contrary to God's will. Plenty of prophets have commmanded plenty of people to death. So either we've got a miswritten commandment, or we need to change the bulk of the Old Testament where it says "and so-and-so said kill what's-his-face".
Again, I'm not attacking the faith, I'm bringing up the fact that no one has ever bothered to question.
Seek and ye shall find. I missed the fine print that said "Be wary those of ye who seek the truth for you shall be cast out from the masses and those that would rather not know."
I take this same approach with other churches. The doctrine is sound, but when you start meddling in what is ACTUALLY written and MOST probably meant by the passage you get a different perception.
Two more big points on this issue of question. Do you know how many people I have converted to my church. I use my whole hand to count it, it ends up as a goose egg. Do you know how much I care? Not a whole lot. I believe that there are plenty of areas that everyone needs to improve on, but I sincerely hope we aren't ruled over a being who will condemn you on your interpration of a centuries past history.
And the last one that you will here whenever a fear of conversion springs forth: Do you believe that your way is the truth? The true path? Then why not question? Sometimes it seems like a gimme, a simple question gets a simple answer, but to fear the question to fear that you might stray off the path? WTF? If you are on the right path, if you know this, and you can't be swayed, then why do you fear? If you live in the light, and hold a torch of truth to the bleakness of the world, why do you fear the shadow?
For I walked through the valley of the shadow of death I shall fear no evil! For thou art with me! Thy rod and thy staff guide my path!
Kinda lost the way and the path if you have to doubt it...
Do I have the only path? I dare say not. Do you, much the same but I don't care. What I do care is that someone somewhere decided to put the blinders on and walk. Not much of a "one true path" that I can see.
By this time I've offended enough of you to choke a Tyrannosaur, but hopefully just one of you might have actually listened, just enough to take that to heart that there's no real harm in making your own decisions, there's no real harm in questioning, in learning when you beleive that you're on the right path. You can only be swayed by yourself, by your own doubt. There are two ways to deal with that. You can close yourself off to the world because you aren't sure of yourself (what many in the world end up choosing), or you can walk the Earth without fear knowing that you are protected by the truth.
If you find that you are shutting yourself off for fear of questions, ever consider the fact that maybe the thing you are shutting yourself off from is right? And that you might be wrong? Just a thought?
I'm done. I suppose I might have fired early. But in truth far, far too late of a shot to be effective. I hope that my passion didn't come accross as an attack to anyone. I firmly believe this and am thus not affraid to question it and share it. If it is the truth, it must be shared, if it is a lie, I must be told so that I don't mis-guidedly walk in the shadows!
Either way one of us will be saved, me from my lie or you from yours!
posted by A_Shadow at
10/17/2005 05:01:00 PM
2 Comments:
Porter, as long as we’re not singling people out here, let’s get some more clarifications out on the table.
I have nothing but respect for you and yours (the yours counting your mother, father and all of your assorted siblings). This has nothing to do with ANY SORT OF DISRESPECT and has everything to do with that deep and profound respect that I feel for the Porter family. If anything I am wounded by the lack of reciprocal respect and seek to amend that if at all possible.
To clarify my position. I am not angry with you or your mother by any of the decisions that have been made since I “met” you as a face in the hallway. I am wounded by one here or there, but obviously feel that can be amended or else I would never bother trying again. I am not seeking to do anything but amend a wrong that was committed over a year ago. I want to amend a descion that I made, and hopefully change a decision that your mother has made.
The biggest burden that I will face in this endeavor WILL be perception. The perception that I don’t respect your decision towards your parents, and the perception that this HAS ANYTHING AT ALL TO DO WITH YOU AND YOUR MOTHER as a relationship. You and your mother are involved, but the ABSOLUTE LAST thing on my mind is damaging a familial tie between a mother an daughter. You have NO idea how much that would pain me in any case, let alone yours.
I am not making a commentary on your choices as a person. I am making a commentary on your mother’s choices regarding me. She has chosen a poor path in this regard as far as I’m concerned and I should have remedied that a year ago. As I perceive the issue at this venue, she decided that I was a threat to her vision of your development. If you feel this the case and YOU decide that I am to have nothing to do with you then that is YOUR choice and I WILL respect it. But as I perceive it you were TOLD what to do and you listened. If YOU don’t want to have anything to do with me then YOU wouldn’t. You wouldn’t come here and post, you wouldn’t offer any sort of hand in friendship in any level.
Being as that has not been the case, I have taken the view that your mother said jump, you complied, and that anything aside the point is against your wishes. I seek to remedy a false assumption and a poor choice of who’s a danger here. I seek to remedy my reputation in the eyes of a family. Again, if you truly believe that I am a threat to your general well-being, that is your choice and not your mother’s.
In normal circumstances, in 99% of the issues of this type that I have faced in the past, you would have simply had to say that “No, I don’t feel comfortable speaking about such things with you.” Your mother has the same ability. This is the thing that all of my friends issue forth when they no longer wish to speak about religion or politics (and in case you have missed something, those are my hobbies, they are the deepest places of thought to explore in the world and we should all know how I love to think).
Your mother some how jumped to the conclusion that I needed to have nothing to do with you to avoid corrupting you, as near as I can tell since the information is by and large assumption on my part as I was never ACTUALLY informed of this decision by anyone in a proper channel. I got it third hand. I am able to control what I say, evidenced by my choice of tact at the proper times and my ability to not spontaneously combust inside of certain holy sites.
I digress.
The main issue that I need to hear from you is: DO YOU OR DO YOU NOT WISH TO BE ASSOCIATED AS MY FRIEND?
Capitalized for emphasis, not meant to be read as you are being yelled at. Again, any of the punctuation here is to stress my point. If you won’t speak with me in person to get the proper context of the conversation, then I will do my best here. I feel that more damage is done by avoiding this then by finally sitting down and discussing it, whether that means that I will never be allowed to so much as write in your general vicinity or not.
So, the issue remains, what is your choice? Am I your friend or not? Then why does your mother get to disrespect that choice of yours and make it for you? Or have you decided that your mother chooses even that for you?
I would much rather have had this discussion in person. I believe that the core of the issue lies between your mother and I, no one else. It is a respect issue between the two of us and it is ONLY because I respect her that I would even fret this long about such a simple issue.
If we need to go ahead and call the whole thing off, you’ve already resigned yourself to that loss, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let you tell me third person again. You can at least grace me by a phone call, lest your mother has broken your fingers.
I’m sorry, this most likely sounded heated, I usually come across that way more often when writing, but if you only knew the pain that it caused me just to have to bring the issue up…
I’m sorry to cause undue stress, this hasn’t been a great week for anyone thus far, but this needs to be resolved, and that’s what I feel.
And as one more clarification:
Much of my original post was directed at the masses. Obviously you felt something was there singling you out, and that’s my point when I bring up that if you are compelled by something, it is meant for you (whether or not it is intended for you as I write it, you need to address that issue as you read it). You are not the first person that I’ve had to address the issue of making your own choices. It’s an issue that world faces and so I addressed the world as I posted.
Somewhere in the midst of everything we seem to have lost sight of the fact that I’m not running around burning down Mormon churches and burning pentagrams into people’s foreheads. I am actually EXTREMELY tolerant when it comes to faith because I realize that we all believe essentially the same things. But I DON’T believe that a church has the need or the reason to have ANYTHING to do with what you choose as a person. The doctrine lays down God’s laws and that’s essentially where it should end. That’s my belief and I’ve danced around that far too much. I have more Mormon friends of all types (returned missionary or not) and I can pass the time with them just as easily as anyone in any normal walk of life. Your decisions do not condemn you as a person, not what you believe as your opinions on that matter. There’s no point, and there’s no way for me to prove to you that I am more right (or wrong for that matter) then you are. I realize that, but do you? Part of the reason I have issues with the faith is that it is ok to condescend the “non-believers” by and large as long as it never comes back. If I question your faith as an outsider, I’m a heathen, if you question my faith, you’re converting me.
Seems a bit silly, right? That’s not how I see it, but 7 out of 10 times that’s how it’s perceived by one or the other of the parties involved. 2 out of 10 times the conversation dies long before then, and I was hoping that 1 out of 10 times, at least, that there would be someone who understood my ideas as I did. Either I’ve got a false hope, or it’s still possible to maintain or remedy that.
10/17/2005 08:30:00 PM
Porter, yes I'm calling you that more often, it's actually more convenient.
Far beit from me to try to drum things up that are by-gones:
But what reasons of hers are solid?
I ask merely on an intellectual level at this point. Constantly trying to evaluate my self-image as that lets me know how well I come accross to other people.
Not that I've ever really cared unless it is a common thread. Your mother and Marisha are flukes. Or are they?
I just need to know what "solid reasons" so I can know just how far I have slipped here.
10/30/2005 07:29:00 PM
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