Silence long unbroken.

At long last, my children, I have awaken to bring forth new meaning and new answers. To continue this charade unto the peril of the internets.

Sorry, a little bit of the overmind creeping in there.

Finally got around to beating that game in my spare time (ok, so most of my time is spare lately). 3 days and 30 missions. Not too shabby, eh? I'm not sure how many total hours though. Can't be much more than 20. *shrug*

I spent most of Saturday out of the house though, so don't even start to hound me about anything.

Even up late, or early, as I like to say.

I was out and about until about 2 in the morning. This morning. I had a friend come back to town. We went to Layton together. Heck, she was even on the Mock Trial team that we had going. It's always a treat to see her. Another study of self, I suppose.

We arrived to the party, Whitney and I, two hours before everyone else so that we could help set up. She had these little "goody bags" all set up for everyone. It was really kinda neat. Doubts started arising as to who all would be coming as the school apparently was doing a Halloween "stomp" the same night. Never liked that they were called "stomps".

Anyways. That didn't make a whole lot of sense to me seeing as most of the people that she had invited seemed to have graduated. Then come to find out that the few that didn't show up are just seniors now. Wierd how big of a gap that can be this late in the game.

So only 8 people showed up really, counting her I think, but it was good. Enough to fill the room so that it didn't look completely empty. Then a few of them had to leave to get to other jobs or other such things. And we played well on into the night until Kyle and his girlfriend finally had to escape. It was fun, they had come as pirates. Arrrrr....

Then the good stuff started.

Don't get me wrong, the games were a blast, seeing old friends was good (playing pool with "the guys" was a hoot), but I rather enjoyed her reading at the end as well. She had decided to pull out her poetry and share some of it with us. So much like everyone else in the sense that she didn't think it was any good. I try not to do that anymore. Too many people say it's good when I think it stinks. I hope they say it as they see it, and not out of curtosy. Anyways, that's why I just throw it to the winds these days. I really don't care what you think of it, but if I get it out there, it won't hurt. If I keep it in, it won't do any good.

So she shared and I had ideas of my own. She even had word and phrase lists strewn together. I've never been much into that sort of thing. Always keep what you can carry or at least be able to leave behind. Because if you must keep what you can't carry, you'll never make it. So I took much of which to think on.

As I mentioned before. It was as much a self study moment as it was everything else: fun and a time to meet new people while reminiscing with ol'. Constantly trying to learn, you see.

It's funny how I keep coming 'round to the same ideas as well. Never a counter, because those who do not listen, counter it enough.

She was reading her writings and at one point I got the burning urge to ask her "Why is it you don't write for a living?"

"Why would I do that?"

Classic.

It's so interesting to see how things come together. As rewarding as the opposite is frustrating.

She wants to be a teacher. And a fine one she shall be, but then I had wondered why she wouldn't rather pursue a different course. She fits it perfectly, has the same sort of feeling as a children's writer. Not that her material is anywhere near that base, but there was some memory there that I could not capture, that lingered in the past...

But it was the constant re-evaluating that caught my attention. The whole night was rife with it in one form or another.

Do you realise if you never had a doubt that there would be nothing you couldn't do? There would be no pains or losses as you never feared the unknown.

I work on it. I try. Perhaps that's my goal in life as much as any. But I feel that it's true more than any other constant in the universe.

That truth came up again when we spoke of time and how little we have of it. It's funny in the sense that it's like money. Ever stop to think of how much you actually have? Time that is? No, because we are likely plagued by the fear that it might end at any moment.

But think. What CAN'T you do with 20, or even 40 years? What stops you now from doing that? And beyond that, what TRULY stops you? Taking away the "straw men" of excuses. What ACTUALLY STOPS YOU from doing everything that you want to?

I don't think I will let anything stop me anymore. Which is dangerous in a world of fear. My hardest battle has, and always will be, what do I truly care about?

I had that once, things were great. But now that I have had doubts of things of such, I have become a lurking grim reaper. I really am an ass, but not because I push things where they needn't be pushed, it's because I have lost faith and seek to trample the faith of those that have nothing but.

I need to rectify that.

Usually the realization is enough. Not lately. Twice I have said ill when I needed not. I can't run around doing that, that's not how this works, not how the battles are won.

When the general doubts, the army doubts and not one moment need anyone doubt the victory or all is lost.

Much reading to try and catch up on. I have stayed idle long enough. My appologies, the excuses have made themselves transparent and I will remedy the situation.