And then there was nothing, but out of the darkness came...

I've told myself that this won't be one of my darker posts. Nothing good seems to come of those, whether that be my mood or not, but lately I have been awfully defeatist for some reason...

Many good things have happened lately though. But I keep filling myself with twinges of doubt. Much of it stems from what I really want, want I feel I should do, and what everyone else feels that I should do... The problem is that the latter two points are correct and have been ruling my life for... oh, about 16 years or so.

Now we enter in my wants, my desires, and my overall state of mind. Sure, absolutely I should go to college, and I haven't exactly thrown that out, but I think that I can put it off for a few years and still be plenty fine.

I don't think it would be so full of SUCK if certain things had happened my first semester there. If it had been everything that I was looking for, like I had been promised (by myself and others) my entire life... If it hadn't been a colossal waste of resources (time and money) and hadn't been "more of the same" as everything is that I hate...

It just was everything that I didn't want. To spend four months of doing nothing but saving and buying food to make it through four months of school. Not many people are aware that I "wasn't at" most of my classes, Chemistry I slept through and technically the same with one of my Engineering classes most of the time. And I didn't do all that poorly. Chemistry was a lower grade, and there's plenty of reason of why that was (and believe me, it wasn't for lack of understanding or homework).

Not to mention the fact that it was full of more highschool antics that were passed on from Jr. High... I seem to be one of the few that ran into that pocket, but there was definately too much social angst flying around again.

I don't share this for those of you that are going. I will support you to the ends of the earth, space and time. Trust me, I know how difficult it can be, it should be. I just share my reasons for NOT going myself. What reasons do I have for going? I spent so much money, spent so much time (and away from my family and friends in times of need), what did I get? 10 credit hours. Senior year I got 40, outright, for such a fraction of the cost. This is why when I go back I'm going to CLEP out of Math as high as I can manage. Hell, I'd get a bachelors in Math just from the tests...

Heh... The cost/benefit ratio is completely skewed for me, that's why I hesitate...

But enough of that. Though I do have to ask why it is that you keep haunting me? I said my piece, you said yours, so why is it that you still haunt my dreams? Why is it that things are the same as they have been for so long...? Here, let me hold this open so that you can walk in and out at your leisure...

I don't mind that you stay, I just wish you wouldn't do THIS.

That's much of the angst of today's post, in other news....

Oh, ho, oh, ho a pirate's life for me.

No, not really. Don't need any of that heat, but I found some rather nifty things out about my computer and have some new toys to try out...

Let's just say that I don't need my disks to play my DVDs anymore. I'm not doing anything but watching them, it won't wind up on the internet, so slow down you corporate Nazis. Just a little bit.

Dang... I just Godwinned myself... *slaps forhead*

Though one of my new toys for IMing people doesn't love me. After I installed it the second time, it worked, but now it won't launch again... Sheesh... It looks like it should be worth it though.

....

Oh, and Carl. You know you've gotta love me, dude, lol. I have a Christmas present for you to borrow. It's an older game that you might recognize. They re-released it so that Steam could rape your computer, remember?

Well if you're interested, I found the old copy of the game so that Steam has no more power! Bwahaha!

Alas, I think I have said all that I came to.

And if you hear about some AT-AT, it's a lie! It's all lies!