Why do I feel that I tread this ground unwanted?

I think you're just going to have to deal with it.

I am only meant to be a shadow. That's all there is to it. I am much to big to be anything more, much to important, much to powerful.

The only way to keep myself alive and unlynched by the masses as they lie in wait, is to lie lower.

I shall forever scream but a whisper, stampede as a falling leaf, and be as forward as your trailing darkness.

That's the only way this will work.

As a shadow continually longs for the light, so will I, but such a creature is not meant to be.

I am not meant to be this. It is evident in everyone's reactions. I figured out the "why" behind the "push/pull" mechanism that has run my relationships, and I'm the fool who is using it.

It is the only common thread. The friends that I lose are the friends that I meddle with. It's not just so in one case, but in all cases.

I step in to help, I help because I can, and I push them away. That or they flee, but it's much the same to me.

If I think of those that I have maintained, it is exactly thus. They remain because I have never stepped forward to "help" them in some dire situation.

The irony is that even those that have asked for it, have befallen this fate.

And that explains how you are the fluke that you are. It's not that there's a duration, a time limit, on each relationship. It's that there is only so much "help" that someone will accept.

You have never really needed any. You are much the same as I am, but different enough all the same. You can stay your course because you have always needed as little help as I.

And there we are. That is why I lose, and that is why I will follow my "hands off" policy to the ends of the earth. I definately have the means, but the world has spun before me, and the world will spin long after.

And thus: why does it feel as though I tread upon ground unwanted?

I simply wish to make contact, to reconnect where that was once in existance, but it seems as though you cringe from me. Feels as though you hide from me. A Shadow is never meant to touch you, but you can hunt down and touch a shadow just fine. I will talk, I will look, I will laugh and speak and you will know me as that. But I will never touch, never hold, and be damned for all eternity if I spend more than my time near anyone of you.

And so I am damned. Damned until I withdraw back to where I should be. And that is all as it may be. I am not allowed to choose, never have been. I am simply waiting, waiting for one of you.

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Never makes much sense... I went arround trying to reconnect with friends the other day, after I posted. But I feel very out of place, like I went to a party uninvited and knowing only a few of the people there that I haven't seen in ages...

I don't think I was meant to do that, but it felt like the thing to do, until I did it...

I think this is how it should be. I know, not many of you like that I'm a shadow. But why must it bother you at all? What is there to gain from the light? I'm no plant, I know where my soul is and where my nourishment stems from. So why needest I come to play with the creatures of light that shun me as much as I them? Why must I pretend to play along and they return the courtesy just because we were born of the same means?

We are not the same. We have never been the same, and likely will never be. You will never choose my deformed visage and I will no longer seek to come to the light. We are similar, but we are not so.

I always knew either the world was upside down, or I was dropped on my head. I suppose I know which one it is, always have. If you had built the world right side up, we wouldn't be in this mess.