Sunday, October 30, 2005

Silence long unbroken.

At long last, my children, I have awaken to bring forth new meaning and new answers. To continue this charade unto the peril of the internets.

Sorry, a little bit of the overmind creeping in there.

Finally got around to beating that game in my spare time (ok, so most of my time is spare lately). 3 days and 30 missions. Not too shabby, eh? I'm not sure how many total hours though. Can't be much more than 20. *shrug*

I spent most of Saturday out of the house though, so don't even start to hound me about anything.

Even up late, or early, as I like to say.

I was out and about until about 2 in the morning. This morning. I had a friend come back to town. We went to Layton together. Heck, she was even on the Mock Trial team that we had going. It's always a treat to see her. Another study of self, I suppose.

We arrived to the party, Whitney and I, two hours before everyone else so that we could help set up. She had these little "goody bags" all set up for everyone. It was really kinda neat. Doubts started arising as to who all would be coming as the school apparently was doing a Halloween "stomp" the same night. Never liked that they were called "stomps".

Anyways. That didn't make a whole lot of sense to me seeing as most of the people that she had invited seemed to have graduated. Then come to find out that the few that didn't show up are just seniors now. Wierd how big of a gap that can be this late in the game.

So only 8 people showed up really, counting her I think, but it was good. Enough to fill the room so that it didn't look completely empty. Then a few of them had to leave to get to other jobs or other such things. And we played well on into the night until Kyle and his girlfriend finally had to escape. It was fun, they had come as pirates. Arrrrr....

Then the good stuff started.

Don't get me wrong, the games were a blast, seeing old friends was good (playing pool with "the guys" was a hoot), but I rather enjoyed her reading at the end as well. She had decided to pull out her poetry and share some of it with us. So much like everyone else in the sense that she didn't think it was any good. I try not to do that anymore. Too many people say it's good when I think it stinks. I hope they say it as they see it, and not out of curtosy. Anyways, that's why I just throw it to the winds these days. I really don't care what you think of it, but if I get it out there, it won't hurt. If I keep it in, it won't do any good.

So she shared and I had ideas of my own. She even had word and phrase lists strewn together. I've never been much into that sort of thing. Always keep what you can carry or at least be able to leave behind. Because if you must keep what you can't carry, you'll never make it. So I took much of which to think on.

As I mentioned before. It was as much a self study moment as it was everything else: fun and a time to meet new people while reminiscing with ol'. Constantly trying to learn, you see.

It's funny how I keep coming 'round to the same ideas as well. Never a counter, because those who do not listen, counter it enough.

She was reading her writings and at one point I got the burning urge to ask her "Why is it you don't write for a living?"

"Why would I do that?"

Classic.

It's so interesting to see how things come together. As rewarding as the opposite is frustrating.

She wants to be a teacher. And a fine one she shall be, but then I had wondered why she wouldn't rather pursue a different course. She fits it perfectly, has the same sort of feeling as a children's writer. Not that her material is anywhere near that base, but there was some memory there that I could not capture, that lingered in the past...

But it was the constant re-evaluating that caught my attention. The whole night was rife with it in one form or another.

Do you realise if you never had a doubt that there would be nothing you couldn't do? There would be no pains or losses as you never feared the unknown.

I work on it. I try. Perhaps that's my goal in life as much as any. But I feel that it's true more than any other constant in the universe.

That truth came up again when we spoke of time and how little we have of it. It's funny in the sense that it's like money. Ever stop to think of how much you actually have? Time that is? No, because we are likely plagued by the fear that it might end at any moment.

But think. What CAN'T you do with 20, or even 40 years? What stops you now from doing that? And beyond that, what TRULY stops you? Taking away the "straw men" of excuses. What ACTUALLY STOPS YOU from doing everything that you want to?

I don't think I will let anything stop me anymore. Which is dangerous in a world of fear. My hardest battle has, and always will be, what do I truly care about?

I had that once, things were great. But now that I have had doubts of things of such, I have become a lurking grim reaper. I really am an ass, but not because I push things where they needn't be pushed, it's because I have lost faith and seek to trample the faith of those that have nothing but.

I need to rectify that.

Usually the realization is enough. Not lately. Twice I have said ill when I needed not. I can't run around doing that, that's not how this works, not how the battles are won.

When the general doubts, the army doubts and not one moment need anyone doubt the victory or all is lost.

Much reading to try and catch up on. I have stayed idle long enough. My appologies, the excuses have made themselves transparent and I will remedy the situation.

Monday, October 17, 2005

I nearly soiled my armor for that!

So much to say, so much is going to slip through the cracks.

Not a good week in the two days of it that we've had so far. I'm so freakin' exhausted. Ass handed to me at work to come home and cause more problems for myself. I just can't leave well enough alone. The damned thing should have been dealt with a year ago, but NO, everyone had to speak up and tackle me. Well unfortunately it's been way too long in coming and there are only two acceptable resolutions with a third that will just lead to more later.

Don't ask me why I can't do it. I know I shouldn't, but every bone, muscle, or other form of once living matter (including and definately the grey matter) screams for it. Don't ask why, but I feel it's what I need to do. I'm sorry for it, but I have enough support that I must at least attempt it.

So here's the thing. Let's get some more of these cards face up, no more beating around the bushes. The specific target of this isn't at hand, but I feel that when one person has a misconception it needs to be addressed with the group.

What the hell makes it so hard for you people to accept yourselves? To accept "your power"?

What makes it so hard to make your own decisions and bear them down despite who thinks what about you? I have seen waaay too many people bullied about this over the years. No, I don't think a lecture will help you, believe me I've tried. But what is the loss in making your own decisions? So far I've gotten to "Someone will be mad at me." No offence Vermillion, but did I at least get through that it's a silly reason to shape and wither to someone else's will?

My family and I have not agreed on plenty of things. I have put my foot down on a side opposite on my Father's on more than one occasion. Did we fight? You're damned right. But it always turns out the same. We find a middle ground and get the hell over it.

So what's your thing? You think they might kill you for having an alternate opinion or outlook? I'm serious. What's the worst thing that would happen if you just "rebelled". I put that in quotes because there's not a super better word for it, and that's how the control freak (whomever it is whether it's your parents, friends or otherwise) is going to see it. Whomever you make a decision contrary to their wants, is going to see it as rebellion. It's not like we're in a communist nation. What's the worse thing that will happen?

I've seen people get torn down before. I sure as hell have had it done to myself, but why is it that making your own decisions is a bad thing? Because you threaten whatever control they think they have over you.

Again, the furthest thing from what I am promoting is open rebellion. But I am advocating accepting your own decisions WHETHER OR NOT EVERYONE AGREES WITH YOU. It's bound to happen that someone won't agree with you. I know that you'd rather them support you, than not, everyone would. But they aren't going to be making your decisions forever, at least not in a proper world, so when and where does it end? I suppose that's for you to decide. If you're an adult, I definately advocate that you do it SOONER than LATER.

But let the Heathen speak. I'm sorry that if my "contrary" ways of thinking shock you, but it strikes me a little odd that I can shock and sway a liberal. Wierd how my ideas can be so shocking in a liberal family when I'm a conservative... Extremely wierd.

Which brings me out to my next point that is the most misconstrued and misunderstood point of any.

I don't hate Mormon doctrine. We'll put it there for now. But I seem to be one of the few that actually know something about it and can still point out how little it makes sense. I'm far from an authority on it, but I have enough of the right questions to get through an argument.

I promote free thinking. I don't much care what you decide, but if I think you are wrong, I'm going to say so. It's odd to me that a church touting "Free Agency" as one of God's greatest gifts to man (or at least most important) would spend so much time trying to rescind that. Give me a break, they do it at every turn. Not as part of the hierarchy, but they "discourage" anything that they wish to control, pass ordinances and so forth. Obviously we don't want to be sinners, so we obey. Heaven forbid someone ask a question like "Why does God care if I drink coffee?"

Y'know the answer to that, the one that they gave me? One of our prophets said that he had revelation on it so we don't ask. For so much "Free Agency" there's a lot of that, don't ask don't tell. Some of you don't care to ask, so why should those of us that prefer to be shunned?

The doctrine is pretty sound until you start adding the prophets into the mix. It's much the same thing as with the rest of Christianity. Somewhere someone decided that a prophet speaks God's word and thus is immediately perfect. But no one seems to be paying super close attention to the times when they order something contrary to God's will. Plenty of prophets have commmanded plenty of people to death. So either we've got a miswritten commandment, or we need to change the bulk of the Old Testament where it says "and so-and-so said kill what's-his-face".

Again, I'm not attacking the faith, I'm bringing up the fact that no one has ever bothered to question.

Seek and ye shall find. I missed the fine print that said "Be wary those of ye who seek the truth for you shall be cast out from the masses and those that would rather not know."

I take this same approach with other churches. The doctrine is sound, but when you start meddling in what is ACTUALLY written and MOST probably meant by the passage you get a different perception.

Two more big points on this issue of question. Do you know how many people I have converted to my church. I use my whole hand to count it, it ends up as a goose egg. Do you know how much I care? Not a whole lot. I believe that there are plenty of areas that everyone needs to improve on, but I sincerely hope we aren't ruled over a being who will condemn you on your interpration of a centuries past history.

And the last one that you will here whenever a fear of conversion springs forth: Do you believe that your way is the truth? The true path? Then why not question? Sometimes it seems like a gimme, a simple question gets a simple answer, but to fear the question to fear that you might stray off the path? WTF? If you are on the right path, if you know this, and you can't be swayed, then why do you fear? If you live in the light, and hold a torch of truth to the bleakness of the world, why do you fear the shadow?

For I walked through the valley of the shadow of death I shall fear no evil! For thou art with me! Thy rod and thy staff guide my path!

Kinda lost the way and the path if you have to doubt it...

Do I have the only path? I dare say not. Do you, much the same but I don't care. What I do care is that someone somewhere decided to put the blinders on and walk. Not much of a "one true path" that I can see.

By this time I've offended enough of you to choke a Tyrannosaur, but hopefully just one of you might have actually listened, just enough to take that to heart that there's no real harm in making your own decisions, there's no real harm in questioning, in learning when you beleive that you're on the right path. You can only be swayed by yourself, by your own doubt. There are two ways to deal with that. You can close yourself off to the world because you aren't sure of yourself (what many in the world end up choosing), or you can walk the Earth without fear knowing that you are protected by the truth.

If you find that you are shutting yourself off for fear of questions, ever consider the fact that maybe the thing you are shutting yourself off from is right? And that you might be wrong? Just a thought?

I'm done. I suppose I might have fired early. But in truth far, far too late of a shot to be effective. I hope that my passion didn't come accross as an attack to anyone. I firmly believe this and am thus not affraid to question it and share it. If it is the truth, it must be shared, if it is a lie, I must be told so that I don't mis-guidedly walk in the shadows!

Either way one of us will be saved, me from my lie or you from yours!

Thursday, October 13, 2005

"That was totally wicked!!"

BTW, my calls for war are not directed at one person, group, or otherwise singular entity. Unless that entity is my pending insanity, but that is more a mass under one umbrella rather than a singular entity.

Today was a good day for me. It's been a long time in coming, I think, but then I feel that it is just about coming too fast for me. Not that I can't keep up, it's just more than I'm used to.

In keeping with tradition: I thank you. I sincerely do, I'm not simply pitying you or jesting at your discomfort, but I sincerely thank those of you that have hated the last couple of days. This is for you.

Today I got to train Ben again, yep, he has a name. They come by yesterday and drop him off, essentially giving me the thumbs up to train him on the floor. (That's what we call the "Call Floor", y'know the area where we are, taking calls... Sheesh, there's not much to teach about an actual floor).

Anyways, they tell me to show him the ropes, but make him drive, too. So I talk to a TL about it and they say, yep, make him drive and give him the keys to your car. Ok, it's figuritive, but they wanted me to let him use my logins. That's been making me nervous but he's a quick learner and can totally parallel park already.

So he comes by again about 6:45 AM or so and they say the same thing. But they want me to transfer control when there's only like for of us available. I really think that's a little wierd, but they said so. So about 8 AM I give him the Con and let him drive.

And sit back in awesomeness all day long.

I got on the phone a couple of times, I did a lot of running around, but the kid is great (he's probably older then I am, actually). Because of what was going on yesterday, he already has a lot of the basics, he just needs to get better.

By the end of the day he was already remoting in and re-installing stuff himself, all I had to do really was remind him of a thing here and there and sign in for him. He's a Tech, we think, but he can definately do it now. And he even had his first show down with ITRO. That was funny.

So we did that all day, and just as I'm leaving I see that a ticket has been bounced (or so I thought). Turns out that a ticket that I referred NINE DAYS AGO, that they sat on for as long, has FINALLY been referred elsewhere because the guy who sat on it for NO LESS THAN SIX DAYS says he can't do anything about it.

An hour of snooping for contact information later, we have to settle for sending him an e-mail, but he's a goner. If he responds, he's not going to be a very happy person... And he's going to be talking to not very happy people.

*shrug* I's just a trouble maker is all.

Not a huge ammount more to tell except that this week is one for history for me. Two consecutive awesome days in one week, topped off by an hour lunch! We only get an hour on weekends! We totally rocked today and never went into queue! We are awesome!

"That was awesome! What function key do I have to hit to make it do that again?"

"Da Cheat, we put that lightswitch in so you could turn the lights ON and OFF. NOT so you could throw a lightswitch rave."

"Coach Z, I thought I told you to leave like an hour ago."

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

"Huh, war, good god ya'll"

"What it isn't good for?"

Absolutely nothing.

So here we are, on the verge of war. I guess this is one of my least favorite battles. War was declared on me. I fell back.

Damn near surrendered.

But I don't give up.

You can't beat me by attrition, you fool.

You will have to beat me into the ground. It's the only way to win. The only way.

So here we go again. Intelligence gathering on an unknown enemy.

The intel: Everyone is afraid of you. Why should I be?

I'm coming. I know, you've heard the talk, the idle threats, for a year now. But I'm done. Don't really know why... All I know is that I'm tired of this, tired of a senseless war that I didn't even get to start. Taking innocent victims.

My friends, my holidays, birthdays and my life.

Time to take it back or lose it. Either way it's not really there, right?

What's the harm...?

It could be gone forever, but at this point it's never been there. Nothing to lose really.

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I'm sorry, some of you have been waiting for that short story, I'm working on it, sorta. Like all stories it only exists in my head, waiting to escape. I'll get to it, don't worry, I just need to find a good resolution. And a title. That would work.

Speaking of work, boy do I kick butt or what?

Don't answer that.

But seriously, today I got pulled off duty by some uber VIP types from Cap1 who wanted to recognize me for being as awesome as they think I am.

I seriously don't know who ratted me out, but he's totally got a friend in me now.

But it's really wierd. There were a goodly number of us, four of us were within 20 ft of me too. All on the same team.

Sure it's only a shirt, but it's prestige. Three gurus from Cap1, the manager from our WHOLE service center, my sup, my TL, and several others were all there. So neat.

The only part that's a little bit of a bummer is that one of my team mates decided that she didn't like being left out.

And I really understand, honestly. She works hard, we appreciate her, and to be honest I feel that there are plenty of other people that deserve that more than I do, except that I was recognized for things that only I have been doing. Sure, others have done some things like this here and there, but apparently I've been going to town on it.

But there are a lot of hard workers that should have gotten SOMETHING out of it as well...

And then to boot they put me with a trainee. Which isn't a gripe, but that always makes me nervous. At least with being such a new agent myself.

See, at Carl's Jr. they did the same thing as well. I'd kick ass at my job and I'd be the one training the newbs. I don't mind that, I love that. I took it very seriously. But I don't think that I'm doing the best there is to do on the queue. But I guess that doesn't matter to my bosses if they keep sending me trainees.

I just wish I felt better about it, it'd be easier.

And then the poor guy was there when the worst calls I have ever had or heard of hit my phone (he had to take them, but I was there to "help"). It was nuts. We got some guy that was trying to contact our corporate - ON THE PASSWORD RESET LINE, and then we got some really nasty, but fairly simple ones.

I just think it could have gone better, not to mention the fact that (even though I was there) I felt that we were throwing him in too fast.

But there's only a tiny ammount of sympathy at this point. He's had about 3 times as much training as I've had, lol. Still as lost, so apparently the training isn't all that better when you get more of it...

Really good today.

Still a little bit of doubt about things (not pertaining about work), but I have a new shirt *shrug* that makes everything better.

Coolest shirt I've ever gotten, too.

Not just a little T-shirt. It's a really nice polo. *drools*

Ok, I'm done. But I think I should be a little more confident in what I'm doing anyways, especially inwardly (can't seem too much more confident to my team mates, I'm already trying to help them when I'm near them and my TL is busy.)

I'm done... I think...

Got to get back to my private war. I'm looking North. Do you see the clouds?

Monday, October 10, 2005

Just a little bit.

Just a little bit... Grumpy.

Don't mind me.

Today was an okie day. Just a little bit more access. Just a little bit more to learn so that I can pester my TL just that much less so that I can do just that much more.

Just a little bit.

Tried installing a new game yesterday that was given to me. I definately appreciated the gesture (one of the only times someone has ever followed through on that), but the dern thing wouldn't load. That was frustrating. It would get almost nearly done and then fail. Which is the worst as you might imagine.

I've got a little bit of decoration at my desk.

Just a little bit.

It's the r0x0r. I have a neat little skull, I might have mentioned it alread, but who cares?

Not much to do these days. After this I probably get to dispose of one of my bragging rights. They're complaning at me for not paying my cell phone bill, so I should probably fix that. *shrug*

I've been really, really, close to almost nearly sorta-wanting to kinda write a short story. I've got the creative juices pumping just a little bit and I think I might have to use some of it (Kevin! Mind out of the gutter!)

Just a little bit.

Sorry if this is a bit broken, watching AVP at the same time as this. Wierd... That brings back an undue memory, perhaps. Undue for the wrong reasons I suppose...

Just a little bit.

I'm going to make an effort to read some of your guys' blogs today, but just a little bit. There are only two of you on that list (sorry, I am playing favorites, I'm on the computer all day, and I see some of you all day, so they sorta get priority, but just a little bit).

And if you haven't figured it out, my mind has been stuck on a song... Just a little bit.

I think I've got that out of my system now. I just had to write: just a little bit.

I'll likely post whatever ends up being my short story once I'm done.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

"Oh no! You suck again!"

Ok, so not exactly a direct quote, like you would notice.

I feel rather badly about this whole thing. Like I'm failing a great number of people. All part of my dilusions I suppose... Perhaps I'll know when I once again am able to get online regularly and chat even.

I haven't had much time for friends lately. Those of mine that live in lands far off are probably wondering what is up, if they've noticed at all. It's always odd dealing with people like them... Relationships like that are always touch and go, always awkward for some reason.

But then there's you, you always make it touch and go, too. You come here, you chat with me, but you never have anything to do with me in real life. It's ok, I understand that you're not "allowed" to for the most part. But I always suspect that there's something more to it.

So how does it feel when I talk to you like this? When I leave you a "hidden" message? Hidden in plain sight? Do you jump up and down and say "Ah ha!", do chills run up and down your spine or do you pretend that you don't know? Perhaps the latter, or perhaps you never really do catch on. Me? I jump to conclusions. Anything and everything relates to me until proven otherwise in the court of law. That's why I'm always right. Y'see, when the universe revolves around your massive ego, assuming so makes it rather easy to know what's going on.

If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm posting again. I would have posted days ago, but AOL sucks eggs like you wouldn't believe. I've determined that there is a force in space and time that sucks more than a black hole, and possibly even more than microsoft. That would be AOL. Somehow their dumbass toolbar managed to redirect me when I was trying to get to my blog. I would navigate there, but it would pull up a search page saying that it couldn't find it. But on that search page, there was a link to my blog... That redirected me to that search page.

The really cool part is that Google links to my blog. So I pull up a google search and navigate to my... Nope, back to the search page. I even went so far as to pull up the cached version of my blog, and try to sign in. Just to get that friggen page again. Needless to say, I was done with being re-directed by Satan Suck.

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Today I armed myself. Litterally even. I am now the proud owner of a set of cheap swords. Cheap in relative price and quality, but beautiful none-the-less. They've been used, dinged to hell by some idiots trying to actually fight with them, but they're much better than a wooden version.

I was going to update "sir Justin" by doing a sith-type thing this year. Wearing a Vader Saber and all, but then I picked this up and thing I might wear these instead of my Daito. Either way, it's an update. One's neat and the other's a killer.

Heh...

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So I almost nearly got back in the mood to write.

I'm talking about real writing, not this stuff that I play at here. For some reason this is really easy. I guess because it's more of a talking, just in a different medium.

But I almost started writing a story again. I've found a bad guy to add to one of my forth-coming epics. And I think I have a story (or stories) that I'd like to add and steal.

I keep leaning towards doing something in the Cthulu "mythos". Lots of ideas streaming out of that. Lots of modules that I think up in pieces. Lots of ideas.

The problem is the same as always. The come in snippets and snatches without order.

*shrug* A lot of new things, perhaps I'll get a short story out of it at least.

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I finally got some stuff together for Halloween.

Not a terrible ammount, but some things to bring to work to try and attempt at making my desk not as plain jane as it is. I totally need some spider webs now that I think of it. I shall have to requisition some.

I have a skull and a bucket. Go me.

Ph34r the R34p3r.

Y3s.

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It's late and I'm rather much done. I'm already counting the days 'till my next check because I'm not as fiscally responsible (this time around) as I would like.

Ok, that's a little harsh. It's about time I actually did something for myself, other than eat, and I did actually manage to save part of my check.

It's actually kinda neat how I partitioned my monetary units and thinking. The stuff in savings is hands off.

To the point of it not even tallying when I think of my assets.

Same with my card at this point, too. I've got the tally rather high up there, to the point where I need to check before I get off this...

Sorry to those of you that plan to rob me. I'm all brokey.

That's it! I'll just get the cobwebs from my wallet!

Which reminds me... I managed to open my computer up last night and couldn't believe the space in there. It's really odd, actually. 90% of it in there is open space.

I'm looking to upgrade that now, rather than shell out the dough for something new. Much cheaper and I'll get exactly what I want (more or less, actually). It doesn't have nearly as much room for RAM as I would have hoped, but maybe I can by higher density cards. But the big thing it needs is a not sucky processor.

Oh, yeah, the reason cobwebs reminded me of it? There were cobwebs, actual spiderwebs, INSIDE OF MY COMPUTER.

I'm blaming Logan mostly, but it was really odd. That and the lint. I have seen dust in computers, but there's no reason for spiderwebs and lint to be attacking my 10 month old computer... I guess I should pick it up off the floor...

Alright. Bed time. Have to be up at 11. Heh, it's been a while since I could say that in seriousness.

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One more message for you. One that I probably beat into the ground:

There are some things that the higher units don't need to know. Always really what convinced me of where things lie with us.

I always stay away from sewing seeds of dissent, but I'm not one to bow before a tyrant, either.

Just odd of how many others there might be out there. How many times has this happened? How many times will this happen?

You can end it, the only one who can. I certainly can't do it for you.

But it seems like you like it well enough.

Better the evil that you know than the evil that you don't, right?

Monday, October 03, 2005

Once more, but with a flourish.

Well, sorry about that lovely outburst, but if you’ve never experienced it, I don’t suggest it really.

While it might be soothing in relieving tension (and we all know how much you could use that), I don’t think the soul sucking part of losing the bulk of your thoughts for a day is advisable.

But maybe that’s just me.

I’ve learned though, learned to hate the machine that I speak to you now from. Hate the machine of Microsoft, and yet use it for it’s purpose…

It’s been a while since a meaningful post has been made. But not for lack of trying. I don’t understand what the world is trying to stop me from saying, but it has done so for quite long enough. Now I write you with an unbreakable determination. I have multiple safeguards in place, only the failing fate of this machine could stop it (knock on wood).

Mountain Con I was good. You all should have been there (I know, Keni, I know. You were there. And Carl, I know. And those of you that I forgot but really know about? I know.) But the rest of you!? You have no excuses.

Well except for the two of you that I excused.

But that’s it!

You should have been there. And if I haven’t gotten your excuse yet? Who’s fault would that be? Yours. Even if it’s my fault, it’s your fault until I say so. Muwahahaha.

If I seem a bit combative that’s because I just saved the Earth from an immense, unstoppable (naturally) killing force. And I felled it as the arrow of Apollo. One fighter (with about 15 of his buddies) felled the dark lord of space and doomed him to his own devices. We ambushed him in subspace and annihilated him.

Friend and Foe defeating bigger Foe. Foe sho’.

So I write this with much less to say than usual. I felt at least that an explanation must be given. It’s been about a week (more, I think) since any legitimate posting has been made and I’m finding it easy to slip away into this routine (which scares me).

I haven’t much decided that I like this new direction or not. Don’t worry, that head slapping will not have been in vain. I just have a difficult time adapting to not having any time except on the weekends. And then having nothing to do on the weekends when they get here. I never find the escape that I need. Real life and work are always just around the corner. Many aspects are nice, but when I get a job that pays twice as much for half as many hours, I will be in heaven. I’m starting to think that a 4-10 shift would be a thing of beauty. But I need independent transportation.

Right now it would cost less to develop fusion from scratch AND teleportation then it would to pay for a single tank of gas. Not to mention insurance and actually getting the car registered.

But it’s waaay too damn expensive to pay for all of that AND a car. I don’t see how you manage. Sheeze, I’m thinking about getting married not to enhance my debt, but to get a second income, lol.

Practically that bad.

Other then that, I’m fine, what about you? I have, very unfortunately, neglected many of you in my internet fasting. It shall not be forever, I have much to make up for. Then there’s the select few of you that will “call back” and never do. Alas, you aren’t reading this so why should I continue about it?

I am done, you are done, why are you still here?

Nope, I’m not going to swear damn it.

Ah, shit.

(All together = "First you say it, then you do it!")